12 Jokes of Christmas
by KaydenceRei
Summary: There's twelve days until Christmas and Bruce was feeling a bit of the holiday blues until Natasha starts telling him ridiculous and dorky science jokes. Then, on day thirteen, he tells her one.


**Author's Note** : Weird ideas pop into my head. Here's one.

 **12 Jokes of Christmas** :

Holidays always get Bruce feeling more down than usual. They always remind him of times before he had his angrier and greener half, times when he considered himself happy, or at least as close to happy as he ever let himself get. There were a total of twelve days left and while Tony had finally been convinced by Pepper to stop 'playing with his toys' and start preparing for his Stark Christmas Extravaganza, Bruce was determined to _stay_ in the lab straight through to the New Year. He was doing a fairly decent job of keeping to himself when a coffee mug filled with what smelled like hot chocolate was placed in front of him with little marshmallows floating on the top.

Bruce glanced up to the bringer of the hot chocolate and lifted both of his eyebrows up just slightly at the redheaded assassin. It wasn't to say that he didn't like Natasha, or even that he did like her, the truth was that he barely knew her. She typically kept to herself much like Bruce himself did and that was a quality he appreciated in someone. There were two places they never ran into each other, the lab, and the gym. It was like their own separate territories, the lab being his and the gym being hers and he didn't know now, but this was apparently going to be the first of many invasions.

"You're...in the lab," Bruce mumbled out in slight disbelief.

"Mmm," came the non-worded agreement as Natasha inclined her head slightly. She dragged Tony's chair over, took a seat, then lifted her feet up and rested them on his desk. "Stark was in the gym and for some reason, whenever he's in there with me, I sort of want to kick his ass," came the non-chalant answer and Bruce was pretty sure she wasn't kidding. "And Pepper has people decorating all over in the tower, this was the only safe zone," came the admittance.

Bruce couldn't help the slight chuckle as he lifted the hot chocolate and took a sip. Surprisingly, it was _really_ good. "Wow, this is...amazing. How did you make this?"

He watched one corner of her lips quirk into the smallest smirk and she gave a small shrug, "It's that powdered stuff. I just added the marshmallows."

That actually made him laugh.

"You're not big on the Christmas spirit are you, Bruce?"

"Not particularly, just reminds me of better times," he admitted with a shrug.

Natasha looked a little indifferent to that before it switched to thoughtful as she held her own mug. It was an oddly comfortable silence as he tapped away at the keyboard before the first of the twelve ridiculous jokes came from her lips. It was a good ten minutes and then it came out of nowhere, "A photon checked into a hotel and the bellhop asked him if he had any luggage. The photon replied, 'No, I'm traveling light'."

It was stupid. It was completely and utterly pathetic. He glanced over at her stoically serious face as she sipped her hot chocolate nonchalantly and he couldn't help the way his shoulders shook in silent laughter. "Did you just make physics joke?" he dared to ask between the silent heaves of laughter.

She gave the smallest smile and took another sip of her hot chocolate before she stood up, "You looked like you needed a dorky joke."

And she left before he could even tell her he _did_ need that. Before he could tell her he appreciated it.

* * *

The second joke came the next day around dinnertime when he was, once again, sitting in the lab. After skipping breakfast and lunch, the smell of food immediately hit him the second the doors slid open. He didn't even have time to turn around when Natasha's voice called out, "I made every physicist's favorite meal." He frowned a little at that as he turned and she held the plate out to him. "Fission chips."

He actually snorted out a rather undignified laugh. "Really?" he dared to question out once he controlled his amusement at her joke. He glanced at the food, fish and chips, and took the plate with a grin, "You made this?"

"No, I ordered it from that place down the street, but I did go pick it up."

He chuckled even further at that.

"Have a good night, Doc."

Natasha was gone again and he _again_ couldn't say a word. This time because he had just taken a bite of his food.

* * *

The third joke was even less expected. He found Natasha wrapping an ace bandage around her foot in the medical wing of the lab. "What happened to your foot?"

She glanced up and arched an eyebrow up before giving him a sly little smile, "Training incident."

"Sparring with Steve again?"

"In my defense, his abs may actually be made from concrete," she deadpanned. "Hey, what did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?"

He blinked a few times before he dared to ask, "What?"

"Mitosis!"

Bruce grinned at that as he took the ace bandage from her and finished wrapping her foot for her. "Wow, I wasn't sure it was possible, but that might actually be the worst one yet."

Natasha looked genuinely amused, and really, Bruce never would have thought she had such a nerdy sense of humor. She tested her foot on the floor after he was done and then padded off towards the door without a hint of injury as she waved over her shoulder, "See you tomorrow, Doc."

And he actually looked forward to that.

* * *

Bruce didn't think he would see her after all when it started getting late. For a while he thought that was alright, that it didn't bother him, but then he realized that he was wrong. Somehow in the last three days, those few minutes with Natasha had put him more at ease for the holiday season, and her corny jokes _were_ pretty funny.

There were only a whopping five minutes left before day five when her voice rang out into the lab, "What do you call a fake noodle?"

He felt his eye twitch a little as he turned around and looked at her in the doorway. "Um...a foodle?" he hazarded a guess.

"An impasta."

And the door swished closed and she was gone.

Bruce was sort of glad because he laughed ridiculously hard at that one.

* * *

The fifth day he actually left the lab. He wandered into the kitchen to find Natasha eating a bagel, a cup of coffee on the table, and sliding her finger across the tablet in front of her. He didn't think she was going to say anything given that she looked pretty involved in whatever she was reading.

Bruce boiled the water and made his cup of tea, let it cool, and took a sip.

That was the moment Natasha chose to speak, "What did the boy magnet say to the girl magnet?"

He arched an eyebrow up as he swallowed that sip, "What?"

"From your backside I found you rather repulsive," she commented. He turned around and blinked a few times at her before she spoke again, "But after seeing you from the front I find you rather attractive."

Bruce choked on the sip of tea he took and grinned at her, "That's horrible."

Natasha didn't disagree. She just took a bite of her bagel and went back to whatever she was reading.

* * *

Day six Natasha convinced him to leave the lab and do something else. She suggested a movie, and thinking she was kidding, Bruce suggested Star Wars.

She hadn't been kidding.

And she arched an eyebrow up slightly before inclining her head to the side slightly and agreeing.

He found it impossible to take back the suggestion after she said alright and instead he brought the popcorn into Tony's ridiculously large theater room. "You ever see it before?" he questioned.

"No, am I gonna regret saying yes?"

"Possibly..."

She chuckled a little at that.

Oddly, she looked at least a little interested during the entire movie, but he didn't find out _why_ until it was actually over.

"Did you like it?"

"Not bad," she admitted with an air of indifference. She glanced down as her phone buzzed and she looked mildly perplexed for a moment before she stood up, "I need to take this."

"Sure."

He didn't think he was getting a sixth joke when she made it to the door. Then her voice rang out, "May the mass times acceleration be with you."

Bruce choked out a laugh almost instantly.

* * *

Natasha was gone after the movie the previous day and not supposed to return until tomorrow. It dampened his mood unbelievably.

Then his phone buzzed with a text message.

The seventh joke wasn't in person or voiced, but it was still effective.

' _It's not the length of the vector that counts. It's how you apply the force.'_

Bruce snickered at that. Apparently one week of jokes had put him in an impressively good mood, because Tony stole his phone and raised an eyebrow quizzically at it.

"Did Romanoff just tell you that you had a small member?"

Bruce groaned, grabbed the phone back, and walked away.

* * *

The eighth day and the eighth joke was actually an impressive one. She went all out for the joke and Bruce didn't even realize it until it was _far_ too late. He found her playing one of Tony's video game systems, and a baseball game at that, and she was surprisingly good at it.

Then she handed a controller over him.

Loathed as he was to admit it, after playing several games against her, it actually _was_ fun. He could see why she seemed to find it so entertaining.

Then the eighth joke came out during game five, "What do physicists enjoy most at baseball games?"

"I'm scared to ask."

"The wave."

Bruce groaned out a laugh at that joke, "Jeez...is that why we're playing this game? So you could tell that joke?"

"Maybe."

* * *

Day nine he was back in his funk of Christmas blues when Natasha perched herself on the corner of his desk. He dared to glanced up at her and while most times she remained expressionless even when telling her awful and hilarious jokes, only one of which had nothing at all to do with physics, today she looked as unhappy as he did. "Are you alright?" he dared to ask.

She gave a small shrug, "Was supposed to be somewhere. Too much snow though so I guess I'm staying here for Christmas."

"Ah..." that was an unexpected answer. Then again, given the fiery red hair, the jade colored eyes and her rather pale complexion, he supposed that he shouldn't be surprised. Someone like her would obviously have better things to do for the holidays than tell him jokes.

"I usually get drunk with Barton and we bitch about Christmas."

Even more unexpected. He supposed he brought the next joke on himself, "Christmas brings me down."

And then joke number nine came in an instant, "Gravity has that effect on me."

Bruce snickered almost instantly as she gave him a coy little smile. "How are you coming up with all of these?" he finally dared to ask.

"What can I say? You bring out the dork in me."

* * *

Day ten was another text message joke. Apparently Natasha didn't feel like an in-person joke.

' _What do you call it when an atomic scientist takes his rod out to the lake?'_

Bruce stared at that for a good five minutes when her voice rang out behind him, "Nuclear fishin'."

He grinned and turned to look at her as she stood against the doorway with her arms crossed.

"You're both incredibly weird..." came Tony's comment across the lab.

And that just sealed the deal and made Bruce laugh.

* * *

She got joke eleven in the kitchen again when he walked in. "Hey, good timing. When you roll an orange across the table, what physical force brings it to a stop?" she questioned as she rolled the fruit in question across the table to him.

Bruce snatched it up before it could roll off the edge and gave a wry little smile, "A big green force?"

She snorted out a laugh, "I was going to say pulp friction... but that's good too."

"That wasn't a very ladylike laugh," he joked.

Natasha smirked, "Please. I'm the most ladylike lady that's ever ladied, Bruce."

* * *

Christmas Eve, day twelve, was Tony's big shindig of a party. Bruce was keen on avoiding it even though he had gotten dressed in slacks and a white button up. That was just for show to make his friend think he would actually make an appearance.

Then his phone rang out.

' _Bar_.'

Apparently, Natasha was expecting him to show up too. He released a sigh before he glanced around the lab and stood up. He supposed a brief appearance wouldn't be so bad. He made his way towards the party like a sloth and fumbled his way uncomfortably through the crowd until he reached the bar where Natasha was currently mixing herself a drink.

She glanced up and gave her first real smile over the last twelve days, "Hey."

"Hey."

"Parties aren't your thing I take it," she added next.

Bruce gave a small nod at that, "Not really. Crowds and all that."

"Ah..." and she handed him a beer. "So, a neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?'. The bartender looks at him and says, 'For you, no charge'."

"That might be the worst one yet," he admitted with a laugh.

Natasha winked, "Feel better?"

"Oddly...yes." Then he realized she was making all these jokes for the last twelve days just to lift his spirits. To make him more comfortable. "Hey, Natasha?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks..."

She smiled again, "Anytime." Then she kissed his cheek.

He knew for a fact his face was red and he was about to ask why she did it when he noticed Tony holding the mistletoe over his head. He turned and gave his friend a dirty look, "Was that really necessary?"

"Yep."

And Tony was gone.

Bruce sighed as he glanced over at Natasha, "I'm sorry. He's a—"

"Hey, I was okay with it," she assured him. "At least he didn't hang it over his head. Otherwise you would have had to kiss him. I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole."

He grinned at that.

* * *

Christmas day Bruce found Natasha back in the lounge and drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Apparently, she really did want to be somewhere getting drunk on Christmas. He walked over and took a seat on the stool next to her and handed her a knife with a bow on it. "Merry Christmas."

Natasha arched both eyebrows up as she replaced the vodka bottle in her hands with the knife. She twirled it, then settled it in her palm. "It's nice, well-balanced," she complimented. Funny that she could look so adoringly at a knife and that _didn't_ disturb him in the slightest.

The stupid joke came out of nowhere from _him_ this time, "Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."."

Natasha let out a laugh straight from the gut, "Holy shit. How long have you been holding that one in?"

"A few days..." he admitted with a sheepish smile. "You have a tendency to disappear before I can get it out."

Natasha grinned, "Well, I'll give you this, Bruce. This is definitely a memorable Christmas."

"Eh...you've been cheering me up for twelve days. Figured I'd take the thirteenth." He shrugged a little and let his inner-dork shine, "Besides...I learned something at Tony's party last night."

"What's that?"

"Since light travels faster than sound, people may appear bright until you hear them speak."

Natasha released another tiny laugh, "That's horrible. True, but horrible."

Then she kissed his cheek again and he instantly looked up and around, "Where's the mistletoe?"

"There is none. Thanks for making me feel better."

He gave her another sheepish smile, "Anytime..."

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed this cheese for the holidays. Merry Christmas!**


End file.
